I read an article (Associated Press) in my local paper this weekend titled “Parents protest toy ads for kids”. The headline got me excited. I thought that the parents were actually trying to protect their kids from unscrupulous advertisers doing shady things. These parents sent letters to executives of real-world toy makes asking them to “Please, in these days of economic angst, cut back on marketing your products directly to our children.”

According to the article, the letter writing initiative was started by Boston-based ‘Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood’. That sounds GREAT to me. I don’t like the idea of my kids seeing commercials and someone always trying to sell them something (I can turn off my TV though – it really is an option)… this campaign must be a great idea!

Unfortunately, I continued reading and found that it was not the kids being protected… nope, it was parents trying to protect their own ego. Parents just don’t have the money to buy this or that and all the ads their children are seeing put the parents in an uncomfortable and unenviable position of having to tell their children “No” and that “we cannot affort to buy this toy you want”.

“Parents have trouble saying no,” said Allison Pugh, a University of Virginia socialoty professor. “Even under circumstances of dire financial straits, that’s the last thing parents give up. They’ll contain their own buying for themselves before they’ll make their child feel different at school.”

Well, believe it or not, children need to hear “no” every once in a while. It’s okay to be different… not have all the same toys. That’s what great about friends all having different stuff. As a group you have tons of toys.

Children They should be “deprived” of some things occasionally – not something they NEED (shelter, water, etc), mind you, but the ‘stuff’ that kids WANT. These things are not necessary for their survival. As ‘the parent’ we don’t even have to tell them why we are saying “No”. The answer is just “No, quit asking.” if that’s as deep as you want to go. If you want to go deeper into explanation you can do that too. Children are smarter than they get credit for sometimes… you can explain to a child that ‘stuff’ is not free and that Mommy and / or Daddy have to use the money
on something that is needed like ‘food’ or ‘lights’ or ‘heat’. You could even give your child your TIME on and around Christmas to explain to them the concept of trading things (currency for toys) or (toys for other toys). Maybe they want to sell some of their old toys to get a new one. Maybe they will be just as happy giving some of their old toys to goodwill… my daughter very much seems to like the idea of giving her older stuff to “kids that don’t have any babydolls”.

Many parents get too caught up in trying to make their kids happy and forget that they have other obligations to their children. We parents should teach our children that their is a balance that must be reached when dealing with NEEDS vs WANTS. We can teach them that borrowing is not a good way to get the stuff we want and that sometimes we should do without rather than borrowing. Children can learn to be thankful for what they have. Does this mean they won’t be disappointed? Absolutely not. My daughter is sometimes disappointed when she doesn’t get whatever new toy it is she is interested in that day… but she forgets eventually. Older children will take longer to forget (or may never forget), but when they are old enough to never forget parents have other options. When I was a kid, if I kept on and on I was digging a hole. It took me a few times of losing something I already had to learn that pestering my mom for things I didn’t have was a losing proposition.

Our kids are not near as fragile as our own egos. Parents can show their kids how much the kids are loved by teaching them that sometimes you do not always get what you want. This is true even if the parent wants nothing more than to give the unattainable to the child.